Ultrasound today!

Today I had an ultrasound and we got to see the baby's heart beat!! Such an amazing day! I can't even begin to say how much better I felt seeing that little flicker on the screen. The most beautiful thing ever.

Even though HG has not totally hit yet, I have lost two pounds. So I need to keep an eye on things for when I get more sick.

I felt really sick this afternoon and left work early. I came home ready to go to bed, and hopped online to email my teacher to let her know I was too sick to come to class. I was very relieved to find an email from her saying that class had been cancelled today! Whew! I went to bed and slept for three hours!! That is totally unlike me but felt amazing! I only woke up because of a phone call from my dad, so it is surprising I slept so long!

Here are a couple of photos from this week!

10/25/2007
10/28/2007
10/29/2007

My new baby!

This week My BFF Melissa and I launched our own PROlife website for moms who have or are experiencing hyperemesis gravidarum. You can find us at

http://forum.hghelp.com/

I am so excited we already have almost 40 members and our posts are in the thousands!!

God is moving!!

SICK

Ali Cat loves her Mommy!

10/23/07

I am feeling very sick tonight. That is good news b/c I feel more pg, but bad news if HG is on its way. All I care about is the baby being healthy though, so if that means HG then ok. Today's post will be short b/c I am just not feeling well.

10/23/07

Still feeling very tired, urgh, wish I could take a day to just sleep all day long... sounds so sweet!

I did get a new soft blanket in case the opportunity should present itself, I am hittin' the hay, only in a soft blankie!

I also feel pretty sickish today. Went to safeway and the deli area made me heave a bit. Not major sick, but it is coming, I am still at that part where I am happy to feel any symptoms that mean I am pregnant, ya know? Every symptom is a blessing.

Charles left this morning for his new job in Folsum. I am so dang proud of him that I am beaming. He is such a hard worker and good provider. I am so glad that he gets his dream job of working in a theatre and actually getting paid a bundle while he is doing it. GOSH I will miss him during the week when he is gone though. I suppose the bright side is I can go to bed at nine pm without any guilt!

NIGHT NIGHT FOLKS!

Update 10/21

A lot has happened in the past three days!!

As for baby all is well, I am very tired all the time. And I cry every minute it seems like. I cry if I am happy, I cry if I am sad, I cry if someone else is happy or sad, Then I call my husband and cry to him because I figure if I get the fun of these great new hormones, he gets to enjoy it right along with me. I find that my tolerance level for unnecessary sound is going WAY down. It makes me feel sick, anxious, and overwhelmed. Just can't handle hearing a television no one is watching, kids disagreeing about nothing, even if they are happily disagreeing. I just have a low tolerance for white noise type of stuff. Someone at work keeps turning on the exhaust fan b/c they are afraid the smells in the office will make me sick, but honestly the sound of that fan is WAY more upsetting!!

Charles got a phone call about his new job. We were excited that he got this job that paid VERY well, even though it didn't have tons of hours, it would still pay much more than he was currently making. Well the new call said that he was bumped to full time already! That is great, our income just went through the roof. The downside is that this job is in Folsum. I will only get to see him a couple of days a week. That part breaks my heart, but of course as long as we get ahead financially before the baby comes, we can reevaluate job stuff later.

I bought a few new outfits this weekend that was fun. I really needed some maternity stuff that wasn't linked to previous loss. Now I am so excited to wear my new things this week!!

11 days belly growth 10/7 - 10/18

10/07/2007 10/07/2007

10/11/2007

10/14/2007

10/15/2007

10/18/2007

Good day

Well I called my doctor first thing this morning, he said, "We got disturbing news from your pap." I said, "I didn't have a pap" then he said "That's right you didn't?!" then he investigated and called me back to say my lab results were switched with someone elses and my progesterone was wonderful!!!! wee hoo baby is fine!!!

I had a fun day at work, one of those that is very busy but super productive. Really great!

I am feeling just huge, I will post photos after I enter this post b/c for some reason photo posts are not working for me lately and I don't want this to get erased.

Today was my husband's last day at work here in Redding. He starts full time Monday in Sacramento. I will be heartbroken, but I am so happy for his opportunity and for the money! That will sure come in handy. Plus I have great coworkers who will be there for me. My two oldest sons have their license, so I feel ok about this.

So far not too sick, just moments of really yucky then back to ok.

That is about it for today, love to all!!

STRESS!

On Monday I had blood work done. Then Tuesday I called for results but they were not in yet. So I called again today. They took a message and I asked them to call my cell phone.

I worked until the moment I had to go to my night class, and just got home to a message on the machine.

MY doctor's voice, sounding sad and stressed. "Hello, this is Dr. Williams. I really need to talk to you right away. Please call the office before 5 pm. This message is for Heidi.

"WHAT??? So did he mistake my name? Did he leave a message for me that was meant for someone else? Was he sad about MY results but got MY name wrong? Now I have all night to be afraid.

Here is the debate that keeps replying in my mind... My ultrasound was fine on Monday so that is good. But no heart beat at 5 weeks 6 days which is iffy. I started my prometrium last Wednesday he could be saying I need to take more, but I didn't get the message. What if my levels are all dropping but I am not bleeding b/c I am on the prometrium which is forcing my body to think things are fine?

I am so stressed!!!

Outside of that things are good. One of my clients is in the hospital, and I went down to hang out with her for a while today. That was mostly fun, I am glad her baby is still doing well inside praying he can stay in for a few more weeks (mom is 33 weeks pg). Please pray for them.

It was hard though because her room was right next to the room I had been in after Jordan was born. That room was empty and the door was wide open when I passed, that was strange to look inside again.

Christopher is being a pain in the neck, ugh, maybe there is a reason 18 year olds usually move out! Ben was suspended because he did chin ups on the security camera at school and it broke off the wall. Stupid move, but now the police also cited him for vandelism. Teenage boys are just so difficult. Of course his hand is covered in burns from picking up dry ice on Sunday so he is unable to help around the house as a punishment. urghhhhh!!!!

I am so upset about the phone call from my doctor. My stomach is in knots.

PLEASE pray for good news tomorrow!!

Very tired

I know this is totally normal but gosh I am tired... I think being so tired is also making me a bit cranky. My whole family is making me mad with their irresponsibility and lack of pitching in around here. I feel like they are all toddlers or in some bad episode of Lord of the Flies and somehow they think it is my job to organize the chaos. I just want to take care of me and baby, and the rest of them just need to grow up!!! I am just so tired ya know??? TIRED...

Work went well, but I was so busy I didn't get to take a lunch break then I went to my college class and by the time that was over (7 pm) I had to pick Zach up from play practice then come home about 730 just too tired to function. My husband had dinner on the stove (lucky for him at this point because it was the first considerate thing he has done all week) I ate my dinner, now I am posting then off to bed, I am just too tired. I need a break.

Monday 10-15-07

Blogger is not letting me load photos but I am taking a series of them almost daily so hopefully soon I will load them either into the correct day or as one entry.

Today was a rocky day. It was one of those days when whatever could go wrong did go wrong. I feel like sending my family to some sort of rehabilitation hospital where they learn proper behavior. ughhhhhh.... So let's put that aside and just talk about the baby!!!

I had my ultrasound today. Before my doctor ever even turned on the machine he warned me that he would likely not see a heart beat yet, what he was looking for was if the gestational sac was more formed today.

We got to see gestational sac and fetal pole!! That was amazing, even got a snap shot (he looks just like me!!)

I am feeling VERY pregnant, already showing, and gaining weight. You would be shocked by the photo difference in eight days considering how I am not that far along yet.

Beginning weight 174
Today's weigh in 178

Happy Sunday!

I guess it has been a few days since I posted! I better get to it. I have been posting at night, maybe that is my problem I am too tired in the evenings, I need to find a better time of day to post.

I have been feeling pretty good still. Slight nausea, light headedness, TIRED, all the normal stuff. My husband has started his travels to Sacramento, so I am alone a lot more. He got a great job offer a few weeks ago, almost the same day we found out we were pregnant. The job pays so much more than he could ever make in Redding, so he is traveling down and commuting back and forth. That is going to be great for our checkbook but really hard to have him so far away. He was very sweet about asking how I felt about it before he made the decision, we both agreed that this was what was best for our family for now, then we will reevaluate when the baby comes.

He is there all this weekend working on the set design for Alladin.

The kids and I got quite a few projects done around the house. I feel this big need to get everything cleaned and organized before I get sick. So that is what my goal is. You know, all those little projects around the house that you always say you are going to get done but they just sit there? I am actually doing them (or delegating them). I am also trying to get all of my college term papers written now before they are due, that way if I get sick, I know that I don't have to worry about getting them done!!

I am nervous and excited for my ultrasound tomorrow. My appointment is at 1:20 pm. I am praying so hard to see at least one healthy heartbeat, but hey two or three would be wonderful! he he!!!

That is about it for now, I will try to update after my ultrasound tomorrow!

Another Rough Day

Today was a rough day, you can see it on my face. The emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy after loss takes it toll. Not just that though, I am feeling just tired and sick. I am so happy to feel pregnant, but it is also exhausting.

Today I called the lab for my test results. I asked if they were ready and if I could go pick them up. The lab tech said that my doctor's office had them and if I wanted I could call them. So I called my OB's office. The receptionist gave me the results and when I asked questions she said that my doctor was not in today.

Today's HCG was 867. I was hoping for over 2000, so I was very stressed about this result. Immediately I got online and started doing my research. Most everything I read said that my earlier results were extremely high and that today's results were normal. Ok, so that was good news I suppose, but I really liked getting "Great" results, normal is discouraging.

My progesterone level was even more discouraging. Last week it was over twenty four and today it was only 16.7! It is still within normal range, but it is dropping and that is not good. Yesterday at my appointment, my doctor gave me a prescription for prometrium and some samples. Well it didn't occur to me to ask him the dosage. I took one pill last night, but then I got this discouraging news and didn't know for sure if I was doing the right thing. I called back and asked if there was any doctor or nurse available to tell me what I should be doing. The receptionist said, "Your doctor is at his desk, just a minute" WHAT? I had been stressing for hours and he really had been there? He got on the phone and said that the results were all within normal range. But he did want me to take the prometrium. He said, "I gave you 200 mgs right? I said "No 100 mgs. Should I take two?" he said, "Oh, no, one is fine." What?

I am feeling very confused and discouraged. I just so much want this baby to be ok. If he told me to stand on my head for the next nine months I would totally do that. Everything just feels so ambiguous. I want to do what is the RIGHT thing to do. I wish it was easier to just really know what that was ya know?

I still have my ultrasound scheduled for Monday so I guess that is when I will get some more news. In the meanwhile I plan to lay low as much as possible which isn't easy when I am working full time and going to school full time.

Scary Day

Today I was at work and went to the restroom. I got every pregnant woman's fear come true, spotting. My heart just dropped to my feet. I didn't know what to do. I walked to my desk and sat down. The first thing I did was to pray for my baby. I begged God to keep my baby safe. Then I called my doctor's office. He was out but his nurse said she could squeeze me in around 2:20. It was only 10:00am when I saw the spotting, that meant a full day of uncertainty and worry.
I sat there at my desk staring at my work I should be doing and just unable to focus. I tried to busy myself with a couple of tasks and then got online and posted a prayer request. After that I went back to work but my mind kept drifting to my baby. Please Lord keep my baby safe. I went back to the bathroom to check for spotting and there was none there... back to my desk... my thoughts were constantly only of my baby.
I asked my boss if I could go home and lay down for a few minutes. I would be back in time for my 1:30 appointment with a client, then off to the doctor's office.
I went home and updated my prayer request, ate some lunch, and went back to work all too soon. I was terrified, my brain could not focus on anything but my baby. I went to the bathroom about every five minutes to check for blood. I did not see any more blood.
Finally it was time to go to the doctor's office. I arrived about ten minutes early, of course, I was early, right? Who wouldn't be. But of course, I had to wait for a long time, after all they were squeezing me in between other patients. Around 4 pm they called me back and my doctor was in my room immediately. He did a quicky ultrasound and said everything looked fine still too early for a heartbeat. He said that everything seemed ok but to be safe he ordered blood tests for HCG and Progesterone Levels. He wrote on the lab slip that he wanted me to get a copy of the results also.
I went to the lab to get the tests but they said because of HIPAA I could not get the results by fax at work. They said it would violate my privacy. I said I will sign something saying I want them sent there. She said no. She said I could call her and ask her if they are ready, then come to the office and pick them up I said that was fine.
It is almost 10 pm and I have had ZERO spotting in the past twelve hours. I peed on a stick again tonight with a VERY diluted sample and got a very clear fast positive. That was encouraging.
Please pray I find out my results tomorrow are over 2000!!!! That is the perfect number. My doctor gave me prometrium samples to take until we get the results back from the blood work.

My weight today was 175.

I gained a pound in two days but I think that is because my appointment today was after lunch and last time it was just before lunch.

Sleepy!

I am just so sleepy these days. Actually I went to bed and realized I hadn't posted today and there have been some exciting possibilities so I had to come downstairs to post. No photo today though, cuz I am already in my jammies!

I had my First OB appointment today. I have the best OB ever. The appointment went well. He did an ultrasound to help to calm my fears. He warned me that we probably wouldn't see anything this early. Well, we started loooking he said, "that is your cervix, that dark area may be the gestational sac, that is an ovary, and that, wait that is the gestational sac, let me look at the other one, hmm maybe that is it? Well one of them is the gestational sac, maybe both! We better do another ultrasound next week."

So really there isn't any "News" to tell, just possibilities. I am excited, yet cautious. I really honestly just want a healthy baby, if I can have TWO healthy babies then that is great, but at least one healthy baby is what I really want.

I am very very very tired. Also I am beginning to feel very sick. My doctor prescribed Zofran today which is my miracle drug. He guessed that on the first when I got my first positive test and had an hcg level of 25 that was probably 13 days after conception. That would make me five weeks tomorrow. Possible due date of June 9, 2008. But I was thinking 06/07/08 would be a cool b-day don't you think? I will get to schedule the due date because our hospital doesn't do VBACs so it will be c-section.

One scary thing came up, they asked us if we want the AFP test. We really couldn't answer that question. I think we may push for the NT Scan instead. Ugh, I hate to even consider that stuff ya know? ugh.

My weigh in today 10/8/07 - 174

Excited and nervous

Here are today's photos, I look tired, but too horrible! he he!!

I am doing pretty well today. My symptoms so far are slight nausea, TIRED, emotional (mostly crying while watching tv shows!), dizzy, HUNGRY.

I tend to not see the HG fairy until seven weeks or so. I am taking Unisom and B6 to hopefully keep hg at bay for a while. I have my first OB appt in the morning. Pray that it goes well!!!









Today I drove to Weed CA to pick up my kids and didn't get sick. That was a huge accomplishment. I remember when I was pg with Jordan, making that trip many times and having to carry my bucket in the seat with me for when I got sick along the way. One time in a SNOW STORM. Well hopefully having two teen drivers will help me avoid that this time.

I am going to be REALLY real in this blog, so beware, I plan to do photos almost daily even when I look horrible. I also plan to tell my weight after every OB appt so we can track that also.

GREAT NEWS!!!

I am thrilled to announce that I am pregnant again!!! WEE HOO praise the Lord.


When I started this blog originally I wanted to address the hurts and hopes and joys and frustrations of pregnancy, 3 misscarriages, Jordan's death, and 15 months of infertility. I have found the hardest thing to write about has been infertility. I think it is just so hard to address this difficult topic when you are in the pits of it. Now that I have my miracle, I plan to write often about this pregnancy and how I am feeling. But also I want to address all of the ways that infertility has affected us over the past 15 months.


But let's start with the GREAT NEWS!! YES we are expecting a baby!!! Once again I am obsessively testing "Just to make sure." And also I love seeing that second line get darker as I progress. This first photo of tests are from Monday October 1 - Wednesday October 3 - and Friday October 5. They are all dollar store tests. I had my blood drawn on Monday and know that my HCG level was 25 that day. I was only about three weeks pregnant, hadn't even missed my period yet!!
















This test is my FAVORITE!! Isn't it beautiful. It is a First Response test I took on Saturday October 6. Isn't it beautiful with that very dark second line? I love it!! My HCG level on Thursday was 127!

Now the really crazy question, why on Earth did I test so early? Friday, Saturday and Sunday before I tested, I was VERY sick all weekend. I slept almost constantly and was just miserable, nauseous, dizzy, uncomfortable. Monday I woke up still feeling yucky and thought, why not take a test? I was SHOCKED to see that second line peeking through. But it was so light, I had to have it doubled checked with a blood test and I was elated to hear my hcg number of 25!

My last two pregnancies ended in very early losses. We don't know why but just in case progesterone was a problem we did have that checked twice this week as well, and my numbers are right on target!

I have my first ob appt on Monday! I am just so thrilled and excited.

I am also a bit terrified. Even if all goes well with this baby, I am still looking at a probably nine months of HYPEREMESIS GRAVIDARUM. If you do not know what that is, you can learn more at http://www.helpher.org . All five of my pregnancies that have progressed past the first month have developed into HG pregnancies. This presents itself as day and night EXTREME nausea and vomitting. There is just no way to adequately enough describe the torture it puts a woman's body through.

So for now I am just preparing for the storm. Cleaning and organizing, making sure that my house is in order should I go to bed for eight months.

I hope to update this blog often with lots of pictures. Beware though, I plan to post the good the bad and the ugly. I want to show the world just how horrible HG can be.

I covet your prayers over this next year!