Why Can't You be Who I want you to be?

This was a line in a movie I saw last weekend and it really has me thinking. In the movie a father was dissapointed in his son and didn't say this exactly but had the thought. Then his boss said it to him and it made him realize that he had been expecting his son to be someone different than he was.

Thinking about my expectations of others and their expectations of me, especially of my expectations of God. I want him to be the God who fixes everything for me, who grants me wishes. But he isn't my genie he is my God. So sometimes the answers to my prayers aren't the answers I want to hear. We live in a fallen world. There is sin and there is sickness. Bad things happen to great people. Great things happen to bad people and the reverse is true as well.

I have prayed so much this past two weeks for the healing of my baby. For this baby to live and have a long healthy life. I have had moments that I cried out to God and moments when I blamed him and screamed at him for not being the genie I can depend on. I have tried to manipulate him with the "prayer he can't resist" I have tried to be passive agressive, agressive, honest, angry, humble, and grateful. I can't manipulate him. But I can come to him, as a broken hearted daughter and tell him my fears and my hopes, and I can thank him for being there for me through the past few years of trials.

But this is not just about God. It is about how I feel others see me. People who have expected me to be who they think is the perfect stepford person, and I have let them down, because I was not made with a cookie cutter to be like anyone else. I am me. I am who God created me to be. I have great qualities, I have crap qualities. I have good days and bad. But mostly I am open and honest, and that seems to be the trait that gets me into the most trouble. Not that I am painfully cruel honest (yes those pants make your butt look HUGE), more the gutteral type of honesty, (gosh that broke my heart, is that what you meant to do? or I am having such a hard time accepting this, can you show me why it is true?)

But the thing is, we are who we are. We are who we are because God created us to be who we are. He created us in HIS image. Some of us are quiet and shy and others are outspoken and boisterous. He likes that about us. Imagine all the art creations you made as a child. How they were so different. Some crayon, some with glue and sticks, some with glitter and some with paste and dirt. But did you ever create even a single one b/c you wanted to make something ugly? No you created them all to be very different b/c you wanted them to be special.

That is who we are, and that is who those around us are.