Day One with Jordan

When I returned to my room that first time, there was a nurse or CNA, I am not sure which there. She said she was preparing to put me into a shared room. I started crying hysterically. Really bawling. She looked so shocked and looked at Charles who didn't know what was going on at the time. He rushed over and asked me what was wrong. I told him they were moving me into a shared room. A room with a mom and baby in it. I was gasping for air and started throwing up again. Charles washed my face and leaned in to whisper in my ear. Don't forget we have a care plan in place. Dr. Traugott already said that you will not have to share a room with a healthy baby in it. Don't worry, she doesn't know what she is talking about. You won't have to share a room. I am here, I won't let that happen. He spoke with the nursing staff and they agreed to give me a private room.

After resting for a couple of hours in my room, I was anxious to get back to see Jordan again. I tried to sit up, but got very sick. I felt so powerless and maybe even betrayed by my body. I wanted to be strong to go and see my son, but my body was not cooperating. Charles and a nurse helped me get to my feet. My nurse said that I had to walk all the way to the NICU this time. My eyes were welling up with tears, but I wanted to see my son, I would do this.

She put the wheelchair in front of me to hold onto in case I started to fall. I took my steps very carefully as I felt each step may cause my insides to come splashing out. "Just put one foot in front of the other..." I hummed, I can do this. It seems like it took an hour, but it must have been about ten minutes later, I arrived in the NICU! I did it, I get to see him again!

Once again, I was shocked to see him. He was so tiny. I just could not believe a baby this small could be so strong! 2 pounds 6 ounces 13 inches long and he was fighting with every fiber of it! At this visit he was dressed!! None of the clothes we had brought fit him. Premie clothes are meant to be for five pound babies, they were twice his size!! But the very sweet NICU nurse found the perfect outfit just his size! He looked so adorable all dressed up! Our little man!

By the time I got there this time, I was already wiped out. I could only stand for about ten more minutes and then started to throw up again. I had to leave. I went back to my room and napped a bit longer this time. A nurse put a 'Do not disturb sign on our door and Charles and I both slept. When I woke up we went right back down there. We had brought in a Precious Moments Angel doll and he was leaning against it. I think that is the sweetest photo we have of him. His tiny hand holding so tightly to his angel. It made me think about all of the Real Angels who were likely in his room every moment.


The boys were with us for this visit. We had forgotten our camera in my room. I said, "Next time we need to bring the camera so we can get a family photo. The nurse said, "Never wait for next time. One of you boys go get the camera." Zach went and got it and she snapped our family photo. This is the only photo we have of all of us. I am so glad she insisted that we take that photo right then.

We went back and forth many times that day, but not enough. I suppose it could never have been enough. At about midnight we woke up and I really needed to see Jordan right then. The nurse made us make the beds before we were allowed to visit Jordan. Doesn't that seem odd? Of course all we wanted was to see our son, so we quickly complied. Jordan was looking as beautiful as ever, though his color ws slightly darker. The nurse said that his kidneys were not functioning well and he was swelling some.

I prayed so hard all of that day. I prayed for miracles and for the strength to accept whatever was to happen. Charles and I celebrated every hour as if it was a birthday. What a miracle we were getting in time with Jordan.