Meeting Jordan

Having a c-section is a bizarre feeling to say the least. The spinal block did numb me, I had no pain, but it was so weird to feel two doctors hands inside of me tugging and pulling! Dr. Williams said, "Charles, you may want to stand up and watch this." The anesthesiologist tried to pull Charles to the standing position. He said, "No, uh no, I don't, uh, no thank you."

The doctors handed our tiny bundle of Jordan to the nurse who walked him around and held him right next to my face. So this is him? He is so beautiful! All I could think about was shouldn't they be helping him? I loved having him so close to me, but should they be making sure he didn't die? He had the tiniest mouth I had ever seen!! I leaned up and kissed that tiny mouth and said, "I love you so much Jordan, I am so glad to see you!"

The nurse brought him over to the warming table to be examined. Charles walked over to be with Jordan. I heard the most wonderful sound I have ever heard. Just one tiny squeak from my baby boy! Everyone assured me he was fine, they didn't know that was the most beautiful thing I could ever hear. I didn't know that would be the only time I would ever hear him cry.




Silence can sometimes be deafening and this was one of those times. The NICU team whisked Jordan away and Charles and Deeda went with them. I was left there to be stitched up. Only two doctors, one nurse and our anesthesiologist remained. I took a deep breath trying to ward off the emotions that were flooding me. Fear, Joy, Love, Anticipation, Anxiety, Sadness, so many more feelings rushed over me like an ocean.

I think those emotions were so thick in the room that the few people remaining in the room could almost smell them. They all started at once trying to calm and encourage me. They were very sweet and wonderful. Finally the emotion I was left with would be best labeled as Peace.