My First Visit With Jordan

Finally after five hours of anxiously waiting to see my son, a nurse came into my room. I asked her when I would be able to go see Jordan. She said that I could go as soon as I could sit straight up and stand and walk. Immediately, I pushed my automatic bed into a sitting position. Within two minutes I was vomiting again. I didn't care what it took. I would do anything to see Jordan. I knew that every hour was precious. I knew he didn't have a lot of time. I moved my legs to the side of the bed. I was in incredible pain, but all that mattered was getting to see Jordan. The nurses reminded me to take it easy as they helped me to stand. I did it. That first time, they made me walk on a few steps to the wheelchair. The reporters from the newspaper were right there with us. We all walked, one big Jordan fan club to the NICU. (Actually I was wheeling). Charles was pushing my chair, Bob Lecoe was there to take photos, My three sons were there to be a part, Amber and Melissa were there though they held back from entering the NICU (there was no way we would all fit in Jordan's small room. Once inside, Charles pushed me up to Jordan's bed. I couldn't see him very well as he was facing the opposite way. They repostioned me on the other side of his bed and at last, I could see his sweet face.

Even though I had seen him only five hours earlier, I was so surprised by how tiny he was. I now had time to see his tiny hands more clearly and to smell his sweet skin. I asked everyone to leave the room so Charles and I could be alone with Jordan, but what I really wanted was to be able to stand up and see him without worry that the newspaper photographer would get a photo of my rear end hanging out of my gown! Such a beautiful little boy.

I didn't have the strength to stand for very long. I felt so guilty needing to get back to my room. I wish I had the strength to stand there for the rest of his 27 hours. His room was very hot. My incision was killing me, and I thought I might pass out. It was a terrible feeling leaving his room. Mostly I believed he would be around forever, that some how the doctors would figure out how to make everything ok. But there was a small part of me that feared as I kissed his tiny face that I would never see him alive again. I put my finger in his hand and he squeezed it tight as if to say, "Go rest Mommy, I will be here when you come back."