Friday, March 23, 2007

Dear Jeremiah, 18 was just too young to die

My son Christopher's friend wrote a message on myspace last night that he was going to commit suicide. I called 911 but he went through with what he promised in his note. Last night, he jumped off a 700 foot bridge and died.

I am so distraught. This was a beautiful 18 year old boy. What could make him that sad? We emailed each other every few days, he was always asking about the dr phil show and said he had gotten addicted to it this last couple of weeks hoping to see me on it. He was funny, sweet, lovable. Now he is gone.

What didn't I do that I could have done? I know there is nothing. But that question keeps ringing in my head, I called 911 right when I got the email but it was an hour after he sent it. His mother found his car parked and called the police. The police found his body below the bridge. This beautiful kid is dead. why?

I can't stop crying. My ptsd issues are right out here on the surface. I will be thinking of this wonderful boy or his mom, and it is like I am right back where I was two years ago with Jordan.

How will his mother survive this? I wish I knew her. She lives in another city and we have never met. That poor woman, what is she doing today? Is she calling loved ones? Is she viewing the body of her beautiful son who made this horrible choice? Is she in a heap on the floor unable to move at all?

I can't stop crying. Why does this world hurt so much? Too much for this young man to live another day? He had a job interview scheduled today. He had hopes and dreams. He was a beautiful writer.

Please remember Jeremiah with love you can see his beautiful smile on his myspace photos

http://www.myspace.com/zackery88

Here is his blog from just a month ago

Okay....Here I am...18 Years Old
My life so far has been
interesting...

I've lived in 2 States, 5 different citys, lost a father, lost a grandfather. Discovered who i am...*whispers (a homosexual) Witnessed life, witnessed death. Survived a Car Accident, had triple pnemonia. Loved, been loved. Liked, Been liked. Discovered the joy of Pepsi, and Jamba Juice. Realized the wonders of San Francisco. Got my licence at age 16. Got a speeding ticket at age 18. Tivo, Cingular, Myspace are my favorite words. Felt the emotions of a terrorist attack that to this day i remember every moment of that day. My mom is a wonderful, witty, crazy corney lady. Public School sucks, Cyndi Lauper doesnt. Realized a baboon is in the white house. Will always remember my aunt carol. Have lost 60 lbs. Have had 2 jobs. Been in love with a Cellular Phone company for their logo and feautures. Discovered the joy of having stuff in common with another person. Been heartbroken. Missed someone so much (dead) that i wish i was with them, but the joys of life are too good to end it all. Have realized that my first 18 years have been wonderful. Wonderful meaning, its been Great, fair, shitty, and Great again. I havent described everything thats happened, just a few things, that come to mind easaly. That is me....So far =)



My reply to him that day

You are a wise man! So sorry for your losses, grief is a very difficult thing especially as a young person. It is great that you can recognize both the miracles and heartbreaks in your life. And yes tivo is a beautiful thing!! Just imagine what you have in store in the next 18 years!


I continue to be shocked by the finality of it all. Like I can't just call him up and fix it, let him know I love him, offer to have him stay here with us if he wanted out of Yreka so badly until his mom's house sold and they were able to move. I can't offer to take him to coffee and chat or just give him a hug again. He is such a sweet wonderful kid. How can he be gone? He had a job interview yesterday, did they call his house to offer the job? What will his mom say to them? How crushing for her. What if they write a letter to say he was not chosen? How much will that crush her too?

Why didn't he tell us he was sad? I feel like I am talking my kids down off the ledge today. I have pulled them aside to remind them how much they are loved, to all the have to look forward to, to remind them that though there are days that suck horribly, there are also days that seem to go perfectly from start to finish. That they are loved completely by me who will fail them from time to time but love them for all time, but even more loved by God who will never fail them, and will love them forever. They keep saying that they have never doubted my love or their hope for the future. But I feel like I have to say to them what maybe I didn't take the chance to say to Jeremiah.

The same goes for all of you here! I love you all so much. If you ever feel like you have no hope, like there is no one who would notice if you were gone tomorrow. I would notice, I love you all so much. There is never a night so dark that the morning can't come.

I love you all so much, I want you to really really know that.

Ok is it creepy to call all of my kids friends and tell them that? yes I guess so, but I want to call everyone and say, "I love you, now come down off the ledge." I want to say that to Jeremiah so much.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Jordan's 2nd Birthday Party!

WOW Has it really been two years? I will post more party details soon and my thoughts two years after the miracle that changed my life. But for now friends are calling for photos so here they are! The first one is a very sweet gift that came in the mail.































































Jordan's 2nd Birthday Party!
































































































































































































































































Jordan is touching the world

I received some very sweet letters from friends this week and wanted to post them here to show you how sweet my friends are and how much Jordan and continues to touch the world. Here are some website stats as well, It is amazing how many people find him from around the world.




http://jordan.newlifeshasta.com

Jordan’s website has been operating continuously since March 14, 2005. It includes pictures of Jordan, his story, Jenny’s writings, and a guestbook where Jordan’s friends have posted over 100 comments.

Since March 2005, there have been 14,903 unique visitors to Jordan’s website – an average of 596 different visitors each month – from all over the world. January 2007 saw the largest number of visitors in one month: 897.

His website is linked from a number of prominent websites, including as a reference from the German version of Wikipedia.

Jordan’s website has been viewed in the following 59 different countries:

Argentina
Australia
Austria
Belgium
Brazil
Bulgaria
Canada
China
Cocos (Keeling) Islands
Colombia
Costa Rica
Croatia
Cyprus
Czech Republic
Denmark
Dominican Republic
Estonia
Finland
France
Germany
Greece
Hungary
Iceland
India
Indonesia
Ireland
Israel
Italy
Japan
Lithuania
Malaysia
Mauritius
Mexico
Netherlands
New Zealand
Norway
Peru
Philippines
Poland
Portugal
Russian Federation
Samoa
Saudi Arabia
Singapore
Slovak Republic
South Africa
Spain
Sweden
Switzerland
Thailand
Togo
Trinidad and Tobago
Ukraine
United Arab Emirates
United Kingdom
United States

Jordan continues to reach people all over the world
and impact the lives of others.

Jenny,

I saw that you were online, and I felt like I needed to pm you. I just lost my little Maddie in January. When we found out last August that she had T18, I was devastated. I "googled" 'trisomy 18' to find out exactly what it was, and stumbled across a website with horrible pictures and descriptions of all the possible characteristics. It seemed so hopeless at that point, and I cried and told God that if He was going to take her, I'd rather just miscarry now and get it over with. I even thought (for just a moment) that I'd take matter in my own hands and terminate the pregnancy (I am pro-life, but I wasn't thinking too clearly at that moment). Anyway, looking for some sign of hope, I googled "trisomy 18 miracles" and stumbled across Jordan's website. Of course it made me cry more, but I think just seeing that a baby could survive pregnancy (contrary to what I read and was told by the docs) gave me hope. So I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you as you celebrate Jordan's 2nd birthday, and that your website in honor of him was an inspiration to me at a very difficult time. The internet search engine was 100% correct--Jordan was a Trisomy 18 miracle, and so was my sweet little Maddison.Cathy

Touched Deeply.

So much love you brought, So much hope you gave, So much inspiration you have created in people all around the world. You are your mothers spirit, You are your fathers heart, You are the love we all feel for our angels not here but not forgotten. Without knowing your face, Without feeling your touch, You have still touched deep within me. Thank you to Jordan, for his spirit represents to me, the spirit of our lost angels. Zoe

Happy Second Birthday Jordan!

I hope your having the best second birthday party here in heaven. Watch out of all the balloons headed your way. My mommy sent you this one from me. I hope your having the best birthday ever.

Your Buddy in Heaven,

Caiden Sweet Jordan,

Happy Second Birthday Sweetie!

We’re missing you on this special day, along with your family and your HER aunties. I know you are having a great birthday in heaven and looking down at all of us and smiling. You’re definitely loved. We were blessed by your story and the miracle you showed us all in those short 32 hours you were on this earth and even in death you still continue to shine.

Happy birthday little miracle.

Love, Brooke, Caiden’s Mommy

Why Celebrate?

Can you believe it has been two years since we met our sweet Jordan? His birthday is March 10! It is coming up fast. As our family has discussed how best to recognize the miracle we received in meeting Jordan, we have had many thoughts. We want to set apart time with family and friends to celebrate our miracle, while keeping in our thoughts the pain it may cause some to remember our loss.

Jen is now enrolled in college and, as required reading, read a book called “The Prophet.” While for the most part she didn’t enjoy the book there were a few poignant passages that she found gripping. She posted the entire book report on her blog, but here is one small excerpt:

Gibran speaks of the tie between joy and sorrow: “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain…When you are joyous look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful, look again into your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” The twelve weeks between Jordan’s diagnosis and his birth are this passage lived out. Every moment of deep sorrow, was only there because of the immeasurable joy that Jordan brought to us. Every moment of joy, was at the cost of deep sorrow.

Jen has spent the past few weeks diving deep into the bible to find a verse that had touched her years ago, and for some reason was eluding her now, remembering a verse when the Israelites crossed the Red Sea and built up a memorial to help them teach their children about God’s faithfulness and to never forget about the miracle they received that day. Jen searched Exodus over and over, but couldn’t find the verse. Finally through a friend, she found the verse it was in Joshua chapter 4. The reason she couldn’t find it was because it was not the Red Sea that was crossed that day, and it wasn’t Moses doing the walking. The verse was when Joshua crossed the Jordan River! It is like Jordan and his little brother Joshua were calling out from Heaven to tell us the verse!

In the past two months as we have anticipated Jordan’s birthday our lives have been disrupted three times by bank holidays. The banks, the nation’s government and even schools were shut down three times. All three of these holidays were in celebration of the birthdays of great people, who touched the world with their amazing deeds yet, have long since died. Still we as a nation take time off and reflect on the wonderful works of these men.

Jordan touched our lives in a way that no one else ever has or ever will. He was the boy we were told would never live, yet he did live! He is God’s proof of miracles in the present times!! He continues to touch and change the world even today!