May 23 - My Mom

My Mom and Dad













As I look back on my life, there are a few moments that really stand out as turning points for me. Of course you have the obvious ones like days we moved to a new state, high school graduation, marriage, the birth of a child. This entry is about a day that I never saw coming that changed my life in many ways.

May 23, 2001 was actually a pretty normal day for me. It was a Wednesday. I did everything I would usually do on a Wednesday. I went to work. I made dinner for my family. I went to bed. I never knew how drastically my life was about to change.

May 24, 2001 I got out of bed, woke up the kids and went downstairs to start making breakfast. I saw that we had a message on our answering maching. It was my dad, "Jen, when you get this message, give me a call." He had called the night before, after I went to bed. I was busy making breakfast and getting the kids ready for school. I asked Christopher to call Grandpa and find out what was going on. Christopher said that Grandpa wanted to talk to me. I got on the phone, "Hi Jen, I don't want to take up your time right now, I have something to talk to you about, could you call me after the kids go to school?"


After I dropped my kids off at school, I began thinking about my previous weekend with Mom. I gave her a surprise visit for Mother's Day weekend. She had no idea that we were coming to visit her. We spent all day Saturday looking around the town they had recently moved to. Then Saturday night, Mom and I went to play Bingo together. I won $1575 and she won $350! We were in shock!





We spent all day Mother's Day going to every tourist attraction near her coastal town. Money truely was NOT an object. We took these photos or ourselves at Ocean World and Trees Of Mystery. We took the kids to Denny's for lunch and told them to order desert first to make sure they get plenty and then eat lunch. I can't remember a better weekend!




When I arrived back home I called my dad. This is when my world came crashing down. He told me that my Mother had suffered from a brain aneurysm the night before. She had brain surgery and was in a coma. My mind could not fully understand what he was saying. I just talked to Mom yesterday, how could she be in a coma today? That didn't make sense. I had heard the word aneurysm before but didn't really understand what it was. He told me that it wasn't necessary to come because she should be fine in a week or two.

So much has happened since that phone call. Of course I drove straight over to see her. I spent the next six weeks driving the four hour drive to her hospital to see her every week. Then we got the news that she was to be transfered to a brain trauma rehab hospital in a town six hours away. Again, I drove weekly to be with her. I would sleep in her hospital room on the floor. She was there for three months.

About the time of her discharge from the rehab hospital, my marriage was falling apart. My husband's anger problem was worse then ever, but instead of taking it out on me, he was taking it out on Christopher in my absense. I knew that I could only handle one big stress at a time. I could handle his anger, or mom's illness but not both. I chose to care for my Mom. I asked my husband to move out and seek anger management counseling. His anger only got worse, until I was forced to file for divorce.

My Mom has had seven brain surgeries in the past five years. She is currently waiting for another the surgery to replace the missing portion of her skull, that surgery has been postponed six times. She has almost no short term memory left. She does have much of her long term memory. She can remember all the words to any song from the seventies, her mother's address and phone number, but has no idea what she ate in her last meal. I am remarried now, and I have introduced her to my husband many times over the last two years. After I introduce him to her, if he steps out of her field of vision and then she sees him again, she needs another introduction.

A nurse gave her medication to her incorrectly and melted all of her teeth, she is now limited to eating only pureed foods. The nursing homes and hospitals she has been in over the years have been substandard at best. She has been the victim of abuse and just poor treatment.



Here is a recent photo of my Mom.