Fresh Hope

June 4, 2005, Charles left town for a work related training. He was scheduled to be out of town for two weeks. On June 9th I wasn't feeling well. I felt hot when it was really cold in the room, and I felt cold when it was hot. I was dizzy, and having a hard time remembering things. I woke up the next morning feeling even worse. June 10, I took an early home pregnancy test. I knew it was probably much too early to get a positive but I was feeling so under the weather and felt that if I wasn't pregnant I may need some sort of medical treatment. Imagine my shock when that second line appeared!

It was a faint line but definitely there. You didn't even have to squint to see it!! I was thrilled but feeling so cautious! It was a Friday morning and Ben and Zach always went to the Christian club on their campus on Friday mornings. I tried my best to hide my excitement and took them to school. As soon as they were out of my car, I called my good friend Amber and told her about the test. We agreed that I should ask for a blood test to confirm. I called my OB's office and they agreed to the test.

About 3:00 that afternoon, I got the call, my HCG level was 74! I was pregnant! Now came the hard part. I swore Amber into the 'Secret Service" and tried very hard not to tell a soul until my husband came home and I was able to share with him. That lasted about ten minutes. My supervisor from Shasta County Women's Refuge called to speak to me about something else and I told her that it was time for her to start looking for my replacement. I wanted to quit working so I could concentrate on having a healthy pregnancy.

My kids came home from school that day and kept saying that I should take a test because they were sure I was pregnant. I told them I wasn't going to test until Charles came home. Well clearly I was bubbling over to tell someone so I got online and asked my online buddies to help me to develop a wonderful surprise for Charles. The ideas came pouring in. I was having a blast preparing the surprise.

Charles called that evening to check in with me. He told me that he had been crying that day because it was three months since Jordan's birth and he so much wanted a baby. It was so hard not to tell him I was pregnant, but I didn't want to do it over the phone. Also, I wanted him to be able to mourn Jordan separately from the celebration of our new baby.

That Sunday at church, my mouth just kept going. This was becoming less of a secret and more of a news bulletin. I was just so excited for this miraculous blessing we were receiving.

The next week at work, Amber got plenty of opportunities to laugh at me. She was doing well with her 'Secret Service' delegation, and I was bubbling over with information.

Charles was coming home on Friday June 17 at 7:00 pm. All of my energy was directed at surprising him in the most wonderful way. It was Father's Day weekend and I was going to get to give him the best possible Father's Day surprise.

I thought it was important to first acknowledge that he is a father so I began by making him a gift from Jordan. I adapted a poem which had been adapted from the Dr. Suess book, "Oh The Places You'll Go". I changed the adapted poem to include information about our family. I added some beautiful photos of Jordan and framed it. After he opened that gift we had a wonderful dinner together (the boys were all out of town). After dinner I was so anxious to tell him the news. I asked him if he had time to sit and talk. He said that he really wanted to unload his car and start a load of laundry. Gosh that was a hard wait! I had put together a treasure hunt and I was so afraid he would accidently discover one of the hidden messages.

Finally he was ready to spend time with me. I told him that I had a treasure hunt for him and pointed to a bucket in the corner. I started the video camera and sent him on his way. The entire treasure hunt was made up of cleaning supplies. I knew that I would soon be very sick, and it would be up to him to take over those duties. All of the messages gave clues that I was pregnant and where the next clue could be found. The final clue was in the dishwasher. It was a Father's Day card to the "Father to Be" from the baby with a positive pregnancy test inside!

Charles said, "Wait what does two lines mean? What does two mean? Are you pregnant?" and he broke out in sobs. He was screaming for joy, and crying, and running to me all at once. He was thrilled.

After about 45 minutes he had stopped crying enough that I could give him the rest of his gifts. I gave him a Willow Tree Figurine of a Mother looking over the shoulder of a new Father holding a New baby. The Big Book of Dr. Suess for him to read to his new baby. This book included the Dr. Suess version of the story I had adapted to be from Jordan. I gave him a book for very young children called, "What Dad's Can't Do" and a book of 3D ultrasounds from conception to birth.

I can't think of how it would be possible for Father's Day to have been any more precious, other than if our sweet Jordan had been able to stay. We had renewed Hope in our home. A new blessing. Jordan was a Big Brother.